Mama

@hiskuuipo

Me and my mom circa 1980

My mom has end-stage Alzheimer's Disease.  Currently, my TikTok account (posted above) is mainly about life with my mom.  I got conservatorship over her in 2023.  She is currently married, and her husband filed for divorce before I got her diagnosed.  He did a lot of things before she was formally diagnosed.  Long story short, WE are going through a divorce, because she is incapacitated and can't do it on her own.  The dissolution will commence in 2024.

My mom was a homeowner.  She was a business owner.  My mom was a massage therapist.  She was a lot of things (singer, hair dresser, seamstress).  My mom had me at 37 years old, didn't speak a lick of English at the time, but learned quickly, because I don't speak Korean.  

My mom was very vain when I was young, couldn't leave the house without make-up, always had her hair dyed and done.  She was always looking for trendy vintage clothes, and loved to wear high heels to raise herself from 5'nothing to 5'something.  She loved doing her nails and wearing jewelry.  If her make-up wasn't all the way on, she wore big sunglasses. She used to tell me I was a movie-star when I would take her sunglasses from her and put them on my face.  My mom was giving, super generous, to a fault sometimes.

She's the one who got me into going to thrift stores as a young child.  She could spend hours in there, and I would entertain myself by reading used books on a used couch.  My dad would have fights with her about her hoarding clothes.  My mom was very much into clothes, shoes, blankets, and purses.  My dad was a neat-freak (imagine military-style white glove cleaning, and quarters bouncing off the bedsheets).  Having clothes outside the closet was a small part of their divorce.  My mom has always loved my dad, and I was lucky to have them be friends after ending their marriage.

Currently, in end-stage Alzheimer's my mom has completely lost her sense of self.  There's anticipatory grief for us and every morning, my job is to start the day for her.  The first thing I do is check if she's alive.  When I see her chest rise, then I begin her breakfast and her medications.  My mom is losing her ability to speak English, keep stories straight, and care for herself.  She needs help with most everyday things such as fixing something to drink or eat, start the shower, wash clothes, sit up, etc. 

So, between working full-time, my husband, sons, sister, and I juggle taking care of my mom.  We are celebrating all birthdays and holidays, because we won't know when the last one is with her.  She's blessed to have family and I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life who help me caregive.  I couldn't do it on my own.