Pre-Planning Christmas

Christmas is in 6 months.  My sister, husband, and I have discussed how we will not be doing a Christmas tree this year, because of my mom's advanced state in Alzheimer's Disease.  My mom was loving all the decorations from Christmas 2023, but as soon as it all came down, she was verbally and physically abusive.

I discussed this with her doctor and he agreed that rearranging things in our home can confuse someone in an advanced stage of Alzheimer's Disease (plus she also has Vascular Dementia).  What happened is my sister quietly took the decorations and tree down before any of us were awake, and rearranged the furniture back to the way it was.  When my mom woke up, she knew something was missing, but couldn't pinpoint what was wrong.  She began accusing my sister of stealing, being passive-aggressive, being aggressive, being violent, etc.

My mom didn't know what was "stolen" but came up with a different item all the time, whether it was her pajamas, suit, kimono, and even scissors.  She had no clue what was missing, but assumed it was something of hers and that the only person she could think of that would steal from her is my sister, because she was the one moving stuff around.

My mom has nothing to steal.  She has nothing to even borrow.  My mom is 5 feet nothing, probably 90lbs soaking wet, and in Alzheimer's has poor hygiene and very poor taste in "fashion."  None of us are that little, that desperate, or in whatever era of fashion my mom is in.  How can one steal when you live in the same house?  All of us work and buy our own stuff.  We buy my mom stuff, and in more recent times, much of my mom's stuff is gifted to her through Amazon by my amazing friends.  My mom does not own a suit, kimono, pajama set, or scissors.  She was very adamant all those things were stolen from her, constantly changing the items that were "stolen."   

We also took on my step-daughter's cat while she is deployed overseas.  The cat gets into everything.  She climbs and jumps on everything and attacks things that slightly move, like a foot, a plant, or even dust floating in the sunlight.  She WILL attack and climb the tree.  I just know it.  We all know it.

That said, NO Christmas tree this year, not even with a barrier to keep the cat away.  I did find some cute ideas on Pinterest (actual link to my pinterest board) such as hanging garland over the doorway, and maybe some bulbs hanging from the window sill.  Things that are higher up from the floor and away from the cat.  We shall see!

Christmas 2023

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

2023 is a bittersweet Christmas and is probably my mother's last Christmas with us.  That's our reality.  Every day could be her last, in this End-Stage Alzheimer's.  There's just no way to know as she gets more forgetful (not just in memory, but in how to physically function).  She also has become weaker by the day.  We are also both sick as well.

To me, it was very important that her family be there for Christmas, even though I have flu-like symptoms.  It isn't about me.  Time is all my mom has left.  I wish people would put their differences aside and think about my mom, instead of whatever it is they are mad about.  Shamefully, not everyone came over.  It was expected, but still hoped for something different.  It is what it is.  We still had fun.

We bought lots of food, and spent hours cooking.  But, we made the best of our Christmas.  This Christmas included my mom, my sister Jeri, her boyfriend Geoffrey, my children's father Mike, my two sons Kalib and Christopher, my husband Trevor, and myself.  Small and intimate.  

Our endeared neighbors Shawn and Katie also came over for a short time.  They had their family to visit.  They gave us an extremely soft and beautiful, fuzzy, faux fur blanket.  We gave them wine.  

My mom has been lying down a lot.  She doesn't have much of an appetite these days.  She can barely have a conversation.  I made her sit up for Christmas.  She was happy to have us around her.  She was showered with gifts.  I only wanted to share a handful of the many photos we took.  I'm glad I took photos and video (which I won't share).  

Geoffrey got his Cowboy's football for future autographs from me and Trevor.

Mike got a special hoodie made with recycled bottles from me and Trevor.

Three Generations photo with my sons and their grandmother and me.  We've never taken a Christmas picture with her before.

Trevor giving my sister the bird finger for this idea of wrapping each sock individually and tying them together tightly with ribbon.

My mom and her Christmas socks.  She's always cold.  It's a symptom of her Alzheimer's progression.

A Moai glass vase my sister got me for my plants.

Money from me and Trevor, so Jeri could get her nails done after her cast comes off.

Surprisingly, my daughter sent us a gift.  A projector. 

A cookbook on Edibles for Trevor the cannabis enthusiast.

Christopher's pajamas from me and Trevor.

Almond cookies from Santa (of course it was me).  Santa Claus used to give all my children cookies every year.  I haven't forgotten.

A teeshirt for Christopher from Trevor and me.

The Bungalow

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ― George Carlin 

 I was invited to a Christmas party at The Bungalow in Long Beach, California with my "plus one," who is my husband.  Having been constantly caring for my mom, or constantly working, we haven't had much time to go and have fun on our own.  I asked my son Kalib to watch Grandma so we could go out.  I'm so glad he was able to cover us.  We had so much fun.  

The Bungalow is an intimate bar and restaurant, with beautiful and contemporary decor and many rooms to hang out in.  We got the room with the lit Christmas Tree and Snow man.  There was a full bar, and a fireplace, overlooking the marina.  

Trevor and Me - this became our Christmas card picture.

Me and the fashionable Jamie

Me and sweet Gilbert

Me and Trevor - Christmas card picture #2

Trevor and the stylish Jaylin

Me, A'driana, Gisselle, and Jordan

The party before the late birds got there.

Christmas Photos 2021

Mele Kalikimaka is the thing to say
On a bright Hawaiian Christmas Day
That's the island greeting that we send to you
From the land where palm trees sway
Here we know that Christmas will be green and bright
The sun to shine by day, and all the stars at night
Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way
to say merry Christmas to you
―R. Alex Anderson

 

Usually, every November, I start preparing for Christmas cards.  I want my cards to get to my loved ones before Christmas.  These Christmas pictures came out beautifully.  It showcases my love for Tiki art and Trevor's love for the Green Bay Packers.  This was taken in our apartment in front of our tree.  Of course, his mug actually had coffee in it.  

Green Bay Packers Tree

“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.” ― Bob Hope

Here's our first apartment together since Trevor got back to Salem, Oregon from his stay in Hawaii.  I was in the Christmas spirit early (November), but I didn't want to seem ridiculous to my peers, so instead of decorating with a "Christmas" theme, I decorated my tree in Green Bay Packers for the month of November.  We are Green Bay Packers fans, so this worked out for Trevor.  On December 1st, I'd change it to Mele Kalikimaka. 

This may be a tradition in the years to come.  

So, if you ever want to get us something for Christmas, Green Bay Packers is perfect for us.  Anything Green Bay Packers!  

I want this tree so gaudy and cheesy (pun intended) in future pre-Christmases, during football season.

Christmas Day 2020

“Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childish days; that can recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth; that can transport the sailor and the traveller, thousands of miles away, back to his own fire-side and his quiet home!” ― Charles Dickens, The Pickwick Papers

 Trevor wanted to take a Christmas morning picture.  I made him take 3.

Kittens and Trees

“Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.” ― Peg Bracken

Our friend Danny invited us over to his home.  While we were there he said his wife Tanya got a kitten.  They live in Keizer, OR (but are moving to Independence, Oregon soon).  They also got a Christmas tree, but couldn't put ornaments up because the kitten kept climbing the tree.  She certainly is a cute cat!

Decking the Tree

“Remember, if Christmas isn't found in your heart, you won't find it under a tree.” ― Charlotte Carpenter

Pam decorating her tree

I haven't had a lot of Christmases with my nephew.  I remember when he was little, and all his siblings were small.  Every once in awhile, we would make it down to San Diego, California and bringing gifts for April's children. 

April is passed now, and Daniel lives in Oregon.  My only family member in this state.  I am glad he has been bringing me out of the house and over to his place.  It makes my time alone feel less lonely.

My nephew Daniel's girlfriend is decorating their tree in Portland, Oregon.  This is the first time I've seen LED lights on a Christmas tree.  They are supposed to be safer and more energy-efficient.

Tiny Tree

“Christmas works like glue, it keeps us all sticking together.” ― Rosie Thomas, Iris & Ruby

It's still only November, but I really wanted to put my tiny tree up.  We won't have a large tree this year due to the set-up of my living room.  I just couldn't wait for December to deck my home.  It fit, perfectly, on our bookshelf.  I even put little decorations in front of Trevor's daughters' pictures.  

It sure is quaint and cute.  I still have to think of a theme we will go with for future Christmases.  

I want to be an old lady who everyone remembers for decorating.  I always admired my Great-Aunt Betty Arcala's silly ensembles (her fur coat and sequined berets) at Christmas.  I always looked forward to seeing her and my Great-Uncle Tony Arcala for the holidays.

Hawaiian Style Tree

“A Christmas candle is a lovely thing; It makes no noise at all, But softly gives itself away; While quite unselfish, it grows small.” ― Eva K. Logue

Ok, so the Hawaiian tree is weird compared to the type of fir tree I am used to, which is typically a Douglas Fir.  Anyway, this is the finishing touch.  I took pictures of the children I live with, Hekla, Athena, and Leilani and their cat, Kalia.  Kalia wouldn't leave the tree alone.  

Axel, the man of the house, did a great job stringing the lights on.  I was wondering how that was going to happen, because the tree branches are so sparse compared to ones that I am used to.  He had to use string to keep the lights from hanging all over the place.

The kids were so excited and the lady of the house, Valerie, pulled her decorations out and let her daughters add the ornaments.  I told the girls to try and get some of the ornaments inside the branches to fill the tree in.  

It was fun watching the kids parttake in family tradition, Hawaiian style.

I miss my kids so much and my cat Dusty.

x

Hawaiian Fir Tree

“Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.” ― Joan Mills

My first Hawai'ian fir tree. I'm used to California-grown trees, and this was certainly interesting to watch Axel string lights on the tree. Literally, he had to use string to keep the lights from dangling. It took him a couple hours. He did a great job. Tomorrow, they will add decorations to the tree.

This is the first Christmastime that I have been away from my family in California.  Hawaii is an experience and new chapter in my life.  

Decorating Aunt Jeri's Tree

“Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.” ― Pope John XXIII

 

Ever since my sister Jeri moved into her Fountain Valley apartment in 1999, she always had my children come over to decorate.  First it was with my daughter, then my son Kalib, and then my son Christopher.  

Considering this is the first Christmas my kids and I would be apart, she sent me photos of them decorating her tree.  You couldn't understand the emotional pain I experienced seeing my kids having so much fun, when I was feeling so incredibly sad.  I know inside they were hurting because I was not there, but I am glad my sister was able to give them some sort of normalcy during this difficult time.  She kept the tradition going and for that I am so grateful.

Visiting Maggie

“If you want to see me You better hurry before the Christmas morning I'm about disappear.” ― Jordan Hoechlin

We did not have an eventful Christmas, but we still decided to head to San Bernardino to visit Mike's brother Tyrek.  Our first stop would be to reunite with Maggie, Tyrek's daughter, that we had not seen since she was two years old.  She was living in a group home and had no family around.  She was so happy to see us, to know someone still cared and that she had family.  Unfortunately, my daughter Sienna was very cold toward her as can be seen in the photo.  It was a very awkward situation.  I wish things could have been different.

I was very embarrassed and shocked and told Maggie's mother I apologize if Maggie felt bad after our visit.  Otherwise, she seemed to be a sweet young lady.  She needed to be validated and given a little love.  

Mike did most of the talking and dragging conversation out of Maggie and she was a lot more talkative than I had imagined.  I remembered her from when I took her to Disneyland when she was 2 years old.  Here she was at twenty.

Christmas at Work

Life at home hasn't been great. I want it to be, but it just isn't. I spend a lot of time between two jobs to put myself in a different place.  

Tonight was a pleasant surprise that my retail job put a Christmas tree up in the breakroom. I don't have one up at home this year. It was even nicer that each of us had a Christmas stocking with a candy cane in it. 

Mimi is my childhood nickname.  So, looking through the tree, I found my nickname written on a stocking.  How thoughtful. 

The funny thing about Christmas time shoppers, from a retailer point of view, is that it's supposed to be about giving more than receiving.  It's supposed to be a joyful time of year.  We have some of the most impatient people with horrible attitudes toward some of the employees sometimes.  This is the commercialism part of the holidays that I so very much wish would disappear.    

Some parents send their kids off to go play in the toy section while they shop.  Some people open up products and try on the good-smelling stuff and then not buy it.  And then young adults do things like make every noise-making toy go off. I had just cleaned the toy area and organized everything.  I was called to back up a cashier and then was released to take my break, only to find someone had taken my hard work and put them on the floor. 

'Tis the season.

  

Christmas 2014

This Christmas my brother invited his wife Kathy (they'd been living apart) and my sister invited her new boyfriend Geoffrey for Christmas.