Christmas 2023

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

2023 is a bittersweet Christmas and is probably my mother's last Christmas with us.  That's our reality.  Every day could be her last, in this End-Stage Alzheimer's.  There's just no way to know as she gets more forgetful (not just in memory, but in how to physically function).  She also has become weaker by the day.  We are also both sick as well.

To me, it was very important that her family be there for Christmas, even though I have flu-like symptoms.  It isn't about me.  Time is all my mom has left.  I wish people would put their differences aside and think about my mom, instead of whatever it is they are mad about.  Shamefully, not everyone came over.  It was expected, but still hoped for something different.  It is what it is.  We still had fun.

We bought lots of food, and spent hours cooking.  But, we made the best of our Christmas.  This Christmas included my mom, my sister Jeri, her boyfriend Geoffrey, my children's father Mike, my two sons Kalib and Christopher, my husband Trevor, and myself.  Small and intimate.  

Our endeared neighbors Shawn and Katie also came over for a short time.  They had their family to visit.  They gave us an extremely soft and beautiful, fuzzy, faux fur blanket.  We gave them wine.  

My mom has been lying down a lot.  She doesn't have much of an appetite these days.  She can barely have a conversation.  I made her sit up for Christmas.  She was happy to have us around her.  She was showered with gifts.  I only wanted to share a handful of the many photos we took.  I'm glad I took photos and video (which I won't share).  

Geoffrey got his Cowboy's football for future autographs from me and Trevor.

Mike got a special hoodie made with recycled bottles from me and Trevor.

Three Generations photo with my sons and their grandmother and me.  We've never taken a Christmas picture with her before.

Trevor giving my sister the bird finger for this idea of wrapping each sock individually and tying them together tightly with ribbon.

My mom and her Christmas socks.  She's always cold.  It's a symptom of her Alzheimer's progression.

A Moai glass vase my sister got me for my plants.

Money from me and Trevor, so Jeri could get her nails done after her cast comes off.

Surprisingly, my daughter sent us a gift.  A projector. 

A cookbook on Edibles for Trevor the cannabis enthusiast.

Christopher's pajamas from me and Trevor.

Almond cookies from Santa (of course it was me).  Santa Claus used to give all my children cookies every year.  I haven't forgotten.

A teeshirt for Christopher from Trevor and me.

Christmas Cookies

“Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart...filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.” ― Bess Streeter Aldrich, Song of Years

I made homemade chocolate sprinkle sugar cookies, peppermint sugar cookies, and snicker doodles.  

I didn't have a lot of ingredients, so I made them using a recipe I saved on Pinterest that only called for 3 ingredients: sugar, flour, and butter.  I added what I wanted to it for decoration and funsies.

They taste ok.  I know I have made better cookies, but I've been in the holiday spirit.  They look pretty.

Merry Christmas Darling

"Merry Christmas Darling We're apart that's true But I can dream and in my dreams I'm Christmasing with you" -The Carpenters

It's Christmas Day, and though I am staying with Trevor's dad's widow, Tina, I feel lonely.  Christmas doesn't feel the same.  She doesn't put up a tree.  She doesn't buy and wrap gifts.  There's no Christmas music. 

I am, so very much, missing my fiance, Trevor.  He is incarcerated during this time, finishing an old sentence from before we met.  We have 3 more months of waiting for him to parole back to Oregon.  It is our first Christmas apart for the few years we have been together.  He is in Hawaii and I am in Oregon.  This is probably the hardest Christmas, yet.  I will make the best of it.

I miss everything about him.  His smile, his hands, his beard, his presence.  I miss how, even though I tell him NO GIFTS, he still gives me something.  

In the tradition of baking cookies, I have made powdered cherry almond chocolate chip cookies (made this up on my own, with leftover ingredients) and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.  Wish I could share them with Trevor and my kids.

Chocolate makes it all better, but I would rather have my family.