Christmas 2023

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!” ― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

2023 is a bittersweet Christmas and is probably my mother's last Christmas with us.  That's our reality.  Every day could be her last, in this End-Stage Alzheimer's.  There's just no way to know as she gets more forgetful (not just in memory, but in how to physically function).  She also has become weaker by the day.  We are also both sick as well.

To me, it was very important that her family be there for Christmas, even though I have flu-like symptoms.  It isn't about me.  Time is all my mom has left.  I wish people would put their differences aside and think about my mom, instead of whatever it is they are mad about.  Shamefully, not everyone came over.  It was expected, but still hoped for something different.  It is what it is.  We still had fun.

We bought lots of food, and spent hours cooking.  But, we made the best of our Christmas.  This Christmas included my mom, my sister Jeri, her boyfriend Geoffrey, my children's father Mike, my two sons Kalib and Christopher, my husband Trevor, and myself.  Small and intimate.  

Our endeared neighbors Shawn and Katie also came over for a short time.  They had their family to visit.  They gave us an extremely soft and beautiful, fuzzy, faux fur blanket.  We gave them wine.  

My mom has been lying down a lot.  She doesn't have much of an appetite these days.  She can barely have a conversation.  I made her sit up for Christmas.  She was happy to have us around her.  She was showered with gifts.  I only wanted to share a handful of the many photos we took.  I'm glad I took photos and video (which I won't share).  

Geoffrey got his Cowboy's football for future autographs from me and Trevor.

Mike got a special hoodie made with recycled bottles from me and Trevor.

Three Generations photo with my sons and their grandmother and me.  We've never taken a Christmas picture with her before.

Trevor giving my sister the bird finger for this idea of wrapping each sock individually and tying them together tightly with ribbon.

My mom and her Christmas socks.  She's always cold.  It's a symptom of her Alzheimer's progression.

A Moai glass vase my sister got me for my plants.

Money from me and Trevor, so Jeri could get her nails done after her cast comes off.

Surprisingly, my daughter sent us a gift.  A projector. 

A cookbook on Edibles for Trevor the cannabis enthusiast.

Christopher's pajamas from me and Trevor.

Almond cookies from Santa (of course it was me).  Santa Claus used to give all my children cookies every year.  I haven't forgotten.

A teeshirt for Christopher from Trevor and me.

Dave & Busters

 Trevor and I were invited to Dave & Busters for another Christmas party.  I had to ask for the evening off from work to attend.  I'm glad we got to go, because I enjoy socializing sometimes, though I am an introvert.  I also bought myself a curling iron for the first time in over 20 years, and did something different to my hair.

I had fried pickles for the first time, and they are to die for.  We ended up leaving early because, Trevor had to be at work at 1am, leaving little room for sleep.  

No mistletoe, but always an XoXo 

The dinner party.

Trevor and Jose

The Bungalow

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” ― George Carlin 

 I was invited to a Christmas party at The Bungalow in Long Beach, California with my "plus one," who is my husband.  Having been constantly caring for my mom, or constantly working, we haven't had much time to go and have fun on our own.  I asked my son Kalib to watch Grandma so we could go out.  I'm so glad he was able to cover us.  We had so much fun.  

The Bungalow is an intimate bar and restaurant, with beautiful and contemporary decor and many rooms to hang out in.  We got the room with the lit Christmas Tree and Snow man.  There was a full bar, and a fireplace, overlooking the marina.  

Trevor and Me - this became our Christmas card picture.

Me and the fashionable Jamie

Me and sweet Gilbert

Me and Trevor - Christmas card picture #2

Trevor and the stylish Jaylin

Me, A'driana, Gisselle, and Jordan

The party before the late birds got there.

Reindeer Antlers

My reindeer antlers.

Trevor and I try to make it to the Aloha Fair every month.  During November and December, they really went all out with their Christmas crafts and Christmas decorations for sale.  We were really there to see if there was ANYTHING we could get that wouldn't break our bank, or look cheap.  

We found a vendor, Likohina's Tropical Butters, selling delicious fruit butters (pineapple, lilikoi, and guava).  We ended up buying all three flavors.  Two as gifts and some for us.  On the way out of the fair, I saw a vendor selling Hawaiian print Christmas stockings, but before we got to her station, a woman called us into her shop.  She sold ornaments, cards, and reindeer antlers.  

I thought the antlers were cute, but I wasn't wanting to spend $5 on Dollar Tree antlers with a plumeria hot-glued on.  I felt bad though, because people kept passing her spot as I stood there trying to get out of shopping there.  I was suckered in when she said, "But they are ONLY $5..." and gave her $5 and wore the antlers out.  To be honest, I really like seeing people do well, and I really like to support small businesses, but sometimes, things are way too overpriced for Dollar Store crafts.  

I, recently, watched a video by a woman who sells crafts, and she stated that most people who sell Dollar Tree gift baskets and other small crafts have customers who also shop at Dollar Tree, and recognize the products.  They will sell $10 worth of stuff for $30 at arts and craft fairs and people will not purchase them, because they know they can make it themselves for $20 less.

We did end up buying my stepsons Hawaiian print Christmas stockings and stuffed them with Dollar store candy, to mail out before Christmas, just for funzies.  They were so cute, and I wished I had taken pictures of the stockings before we mailed them out.  

A hui hou!

Emotional Christmas Time

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.” ― Charles Dickens

This year has been an emotional roller coaster.  I have had moments where my daughter was in my life, and then she was no longer there.  I've accepted the fact, she is now an adult and the distance between us have made us strangers, and we just do not see eye to eye.  I don't know why that is, but I have other things to focus on and trying to figure that mess out is not on the agenda.

I was told I was needed in California.  I came back.  That wasn't good enough.  I was ignored.  I was reeled back in to another falling out.  I felt disrespected, though that may not have been the intent.  Either way, this Christmas, will be 7 years without my daughter, and I am ok with that.  That relationship can be worked on at some other time.  She has a husband and a home to tend.  She can begin paving the way for her own traditions.  I have so much else to deal with than to deal with someone I can't seem to ever please, when every one else is pleased with me and proud of me.

I have been spending every holiday this year with my mother.  Being in end-stage Alzheimer's Disease, every day could be her last.  So, I spend day after day with her.  I spend the holidays with her.  I have spent birthdays with her.  She doesn't remember what we have done, or how holiday are done, but she certainly likes having people around.  My life is about the rest of hers.

With my mom staying with us, now, we are trying to figure out how to fit my sister's Christmas tree into the space.  I do wish I had my own place again, because I could decorate how I want.  I am overtaken by my sister's holiday style.  I like my own.  Her style is a little bit of everything.  My style is themed to Hawaii.  

Since my husband and my very first Christmas, every year someone (be it his mother or another loved one) has given us a Mele Kalikimaka ornament or something similar.  The ornaments represent the island lifestyle (surfing Santa, palm trees, coconuts, etc).  That's the theme I have been building for at least 7 years now.  

Last year, it was my sister's tree and decor.  This year, it will be my sister's tree and decor AGAIN.  I miss my own stuff, which sits in bins in the garage.  I don't have the energy to protest.

With the blues in my life this year, I have been turning down lots of festivities with certain people, because if my mom can't go, then I won't go.  I have been able to appear places, such as the time I decided to go bowling with my coworkers.  I ended up having loads of fun.  And to be honest, my daughter was there and things were A-OK.

I am going to a Christmas party in December, and I am excited.  My son will sit for me and hang out with his grandmother so I can attend this party.  Christmas time is all I need right now.  It's the jolliest time of year.  

Mele Kalikimaka!

My Gift Arrived

My son Christopher got me a Christmas gift for the first time as an adult.  I have not received a gift from my children since childhood when they would come home from school with crafts wrapped up in festive tissue paper.  After my separation from their father, I lost everything, including all the little ornaments they made me at school.  I'll forever be saddened by that.

I was always very sentimental about their things, including their baby teeth and little handprints.  

On a lighter note, it was so cool to receive gifts from my boys this past Christmas.  Christopher gave me a gift card to Amazon and this is what I chose.  I needed a new pair of slides.

I needed "sandals" that I could wear socks with, because I like being able to slide my feet into shoes really quickly if I need to go outside, but it's been so cold, that I need socks on.  

These were perfect and I love the colors.