Merry Christmas Darling

"Merry Christmas Darling We're apart that's true But I can dream and in my dreams I'm Christmasing with you" -The Carpenters

It's Christmas Day, and though I am staying with Trevor's dad's widow, Tina, I feel lonely.  Christmas doesn't feel the same.  She doesn't put up a tree.  She doesn't buy and wrap gifts.  There's no Christmas music. 

I am, so very much, missing my fiance, Trevor.  He is incarcerated during this time, finishing an old sentence from before we met.  We have 3 more months of waiting for him to parole back to Oregon.  It is our first Christmas apart for the few years we have been together.  He is in Hawaii and I am in Oregon.  This is probably the hardest Christmas, yet.  I will make the best of it.

I miss everything about him.  His smile, his hands, his beard, his presence.  I miss how, even though I tell him NO GIFTS, he still gives me something.  

In the tradition of baking cookies, I have made powdered cherry almond chocolate chip cookies (made this up on my own, with leftover ingredients) and peanut butter chocolate chip cookies.  Wish I could share them with Trevor and my kids.

Chocolate makes it all better, but I would rather have my family.

Christmas 2019

“Were I a philosopher, I should write a philosophy of toys, showing that nothing else in life need to be taken seriously, and that Christmas Day in the company of children is one of the few occasions on which men become entirely alive.” ― Robert Lynd

 

My nephew Daniel, knowing how depressed I have been, decided to pick me up from Salem and take me to his place in Portland for Christmas.  They had a gift under their tree for me and I had a gift for them.  They gave me a Bath and Bodyworks Winter Apple trio (and it smells so good).  I got Daniel a Green Bay Packer's throw blanket and Pam some European chocolates.  I was just happy to be around family, even if just one family member.  In Trevor's tradition, I got us a Green Bay Packer's ornament for a future Christmas tree.

Christmas Eve 2019

“At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe.” ― Chris Van Allsburg, The Polar Express

 It was as Merry as I could be on Christmas Eve of 2019.  My fiance Trevor is in Hawaii and I am in Oregon, and all my kids are in California.  I wanted to send him some photos, so these are what I sent him.  The Green Bay Packers spanked the Minnesota Vikings, yesterday.  Woo-hoo!