Margaret "Betty Jean" Agnes Ross Arcala

Margaret Agnes Arcala (Ross), also known as Betty Jean, better known as "Aunt Betty" to my dad's generation and mine was born in Akron, Ohio.  Her mother passed away when she was little, and she was separated from her siblings, living with her aunt Agnes Woyner, while her siblings lived with her other aunt Amelia "Mollie" Blell (Woyner).  

Aunt Berry was like a surrogate grandmother for us California kids, while our real grandma Lenore lived in Michigan.

Here's a wonderful picture of my great-Aunt Betty with Santa Claus.  How precious.

The Foundling: A Novel - by Ann Leary

 

Book Title:  The Foundling: A Novel

Author:  Ann Leary
Genre:  Historic, Fiction
Main Character:  Mary, Lillian, Dr. Vogel
Story Setting:  Pennsylvania, Nettleton State Village for the Feebleminded Women of Childbearing Age 

Story Summary:  
Mary Engle works for Dr. Vogel of the Nettleton State Village for the Feebleminded Women of Childbearing age.  She recognizes one of the residents as Lillian, a person she was raised at an orphanage with.  She knows Lillian is not feebleminded.  She wants to help Lillian escape the asylum.

Review:  I really enjoyed this book.  Though a work of fiction, it was based off true events according to the author whose grandmother worked for a similar asylum during the 1920s.  

The book does NOT take place during Christmas time.  It is NOT a Christmas book, but toward the end of the book, it is Winter and Christmastime.  The book is riveting, a suspense, a thriller, and dramatic.  I recommend it to anyone who likes historic fiction.  Note, the wording for mentally challenged or disabled people is crass and outdated, reminiscient of the time before diagnostic names were used to categorize and identify mental disorders and challenges.  

I suggest this book to anyone who is curious about the way the mentally challenged were treated, or even the normal were treated before certain laws were implemented.  This book showcases racism, misogyny, and how people treated people back then.  

Christmas 2024

Merry Christmas from the Arcala-Dillard-Tirona household. 

No big tree this year due to Alzheimer's Disease and the fact we have a cat we are caring for.  The cat gets into everything and Alzheimer's Disease creates chaos when there are drastic changes to the environment.

The coffee table has a tiny tabletop tree on it and we used the TV screensaver to keep the holiday spirit in the air.  Our Alexa Echo Dot played Christmas music in the background.

To prevent my mom from sun-downing too fast, I have to remove the Christmas decorations very slowly. So maybe one thing every day. Last January, she was so mad after my sister packed up all the Christmas stuff early in the morning while my mom was still asleep. My mom woke up, realized something was missing (Christmas decor) and suddenly assumed a suit, kimono, pajama, jacket...the list goes on and on, was stolen from her. All of those things are nothing she owned. She just didn't know what was different and got very upset for 3 months straight.

Also, I was able to clip my mom's finger and toe nails after she was fresh out of the shower. They were so ridiculously long and she is so dramatic about having her nails cut. But I got it done, though, she flinched a few times. I'm just glad they aren't eagle talons anymore. I put socks on her and she thanked me.

I will be adding socks to my mom's Amazon wishlist. I have no idea where all her socks are going, as she has no matching pairs, but she has to have them because her body doesn't regulate heat that well and her feet get painfully cold. She likes fuzzy socks that aren't too tight around her ankles.

A few photos from Christmas.  None of me.  We invited our friend Gemal to Christmas.  She's from O'ahu, so she doesn't have a lot of Ohana here, and since my brother missed this Christmas, we decided to have Gemal come over for the holidays.  She's a sweet lady.

Bonnie

My mom was too exhausted for any of the festivities

Kalib 

Geoffrey

Christopher

Mike

Trevor

Jeri

Gemal

Gift Giving

Why I liked giving my kids Christmas gifts (or any other gift) when they were little... I remembered being a kid and anticipating the holidays. I couldn't wait to tear through the paper and get to the goodies inside. It was exciting. 

I saw a video of a mom saying, "Gifts?" as she flipped the light switch on, laundry she was folding, pantry full of foods, a flushing toilet, opening a refrigerator that was stocked...each with a Christmas bow on it. No, those are things everybody needs in a functioning household and a privilege. They are not gifts. A gift is a treat...individually tailored kindness. Don't act like parenting and spousing duties are considered a gift. That's an excuse for lazy love. Show you appreciate your child or spouse individually. 

Gifts don't have to be expensive and they don't have to be from a list. You do it because you want to express your love or gratitude in a unique way. 

Quick story most people know, a little drummer boy didn't have a gift for the newborn king. All he had was his music. So he brought his drum and played a song. No list, no Frankincense, no Myrrh, no gold...he brought his presence and a love song.

Struggling with Relationships

I have been struggling to get people to reach out to me. With having to caregive, it is hard for me to keep in touch with people, though I try. Social Media is the easiest way for me to communicate with everyone at one time. I have noticed a lot of my struggles with Alzheimer's Disease gets ignored by actual family.  I also noticed that people I expect to hear from don't reach out.  But, at the same time, I see them responding to other mutual family members.  

I hadn't said anything before, but now I will begin to match energy.  

See, I will even mail out Christmas cards to reach out. I got NO response on what anyone's mailing address is. I just finished the last of my cards that I still had addresses for. I'm NOT sending any more out. My Social Media friend lists have become small, and it seems my family is just as quiet as the people I just cut. I don't get it. I have more people that aren't related who respond to me than people I'm related to. 

I'm not one of them people who saves addresses because I'm one of them people who moved a lot. I don't keep a lot of stuff. It just breaks my heart that I feel people really don't find a relationship is a two-way street. The next time I ask for an address will be next year and my friend list will be smaller.