Christmas 2015

 

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know

Where the treetops glisten

And children listen

To hear sleigh bells in the snow

Christmas 2015 was uneventful.  My mother had a stroke the summer of 2015.  I chose to avoid my sister whom we always visit for Christmas, because I felt she wasn't there for me when I didn't know what to do or how to feel.  She was always there for me, so I didn't understand why she wasn't there for me when my mom fell ill.  She tried to explain, but I shunned her.

We did not take family photos.  I did not put up the Christmas tree as Mike and I began to argue a lot and I just withdrew.  We've been together for 20 years and this is the first time I feel like this will be the last time I spend Christmas as a solid family unit.  Sienna pulled out the fake tree, last minute, and decorated it with the little bit of ornaments she could find.  It was a sweet gesture, but the energy of the house has shifted.  We do not have gifts under the tree this year.  I care so much but I feel like home doesn't feel like home anymore.  I'm miserable.

My world is falling apart, at least inside of me.  My feelings are changing about everything and everyone.  The house is full, but it feels lonely.  Although, I have great customers and clientele, I am very unhappy with my entire life, even at work.  I am unhappy with how my household is going.  I want love back in my home.  

I am withdrawing.  I am depressed.  I am angry.  I decided that 2016 is going to be different.  I just don't know how different and I am tired of pretending that everything is merry.  Things must change, completely.  

CDs from a Customer

 

A sweet old WWII veteran just gave me CDs of his 2 favorite movies, "Ant Man" and "The Nativity Story."  I was at my cash register and he pulled these CDs out of his jacket pocket to hand over to me.  He said he thinks I would like them.

Christmas at Work

Life at home hasn't been great. I want it to be, but it just isn't. I spend a lot of time between two jobs to put myself in a different place.  

Tonight was a pleasant surprise that my retail job put a Christmas tree up in the breakroom. I don't have one up at home this year. It was even nicer that each of us had a Christmas stocking with a candy cane in it. 

Mimi is my childhood nickname.  So, looking through the tree, I found my nickname written on a stocking.  How thoughtful. 

The funny thing about Christmas time shoppers, from a retailer point of view, is that it's supposed to be about giving more than receiving.  It's supposed to be a joyful time of year.  We have some of the most impatient people with horrible attitudes toward some of the employees sometimes.  This is the commercialism part of the holidays that I so very much wish would disappear.    

Some parents send their kids off to go play in the toy section while they shop.  Some people open up products and try on the good-smelling stuff and then not buy it.  And then young adults do things like make every noise-making toy go off. I had just cleaned the toy area and organized everything.  I was called to back up a cashier and then was released to take my break, only to find someone had taken my hard work and put them on the floor. 

'Tis the season.