Reflecting on Santa Claus

 My oldest, Sienna, found out about Santa by Googling "Is Santa Claus real?" when she was 7 years old.  So, she told my second born, Kalib, that he was not, the moment she read that he wasn't.  And then she told me which broke my peppermint heart.  

I wanted them to be kids and believe in magical, happy stuff...like happy little elves and flying reindeer, and the North Pole.  I liked this little red, gold, and green lie.  My youngest was a baby and so I asked them not to tell him when he was aware of Santa and Christmas.  

I did everything I could to keep the trick going.  I'd wrap my gifts in the garage, at my sister's, or at work.  I'd have Santa-print wrapping paper in those locations. And I'd decorate them with bows. The presents from Mommy and Daddy were other print with no bows.  The labels from Santa were also Santa print and stickers while Mommy and Daddy gifts were bland and taped on.  

We would make "reindeer food" with glitter and oat flakes.  When the kids were asleep, the food would be messed up and scattered as if a reindeer actually ate it.  We would put cookies and milk (or beer) out for Santa which their dad treated himself to when they were asleep.

Stockings were stuffed with treats from Santa when the kids woke up.

One day, my youngest was going through my photos and saw his older siblings with Santa before he was born.  He had a picture of himself with Santa when he was three.  The Santas didn't look alike.  So, he asked me, "Why does Santa look different?"

I was afraid to ask and said, "Ask your dad, maybe he knows." It gave me time to think of another yuletide lie.

He asked his dad, and his dad being Black said, "Good question.  When I was little, Santa was Black." My son said, "That's weird." So, I explained, "Santa has brothers. One is named Saint Nick and the other is Kris Kringle.  Another is Krampus.  I'm sure he has more but I don't know all their names.  Sometimes his brothers have to do the job because Santa is sick or there are too many new kids born and he can't get to all of them." My son was satisfied.

Around October when my son had turned 9, he came home from school and said, "I'm not friends with TJ anymore.  He said there's no such thing as Santa and I told him there is.  He makes me mad because he wouldn't listen to me." I felt so bad.  My oldest was like, "Mom, you really need to tell him the truth.  He's too old now.  He sounds silly for believing so long.  Most kids don't believe at his age."

I didn't know how and deep down thought he'd grow out of it on his own.  I didn't want to break his heart.

February rolled around and my teen daughter had been having a rough time at home and at school.  She was staying in a youth shelter for runaway kids.  I asked her to go there because as a teen, I went there when I needed a mental break from home and school.  Instead of being in the streets, she could be in a facility and get the counseling she needed.

When she was ready to go home, we continued aftercare with counseling every week, and things really hadn't changed at home.  She wanted more organization, more order, and more consistency in the home. There were arguments all the time and a lot of chaos that was not being resolved civilly or at all.  This was brought up in counseling and I and her father were mortified we had been put on blast like that.  Meanwhile, tempers were coming out between me and their father in front of the counselor who sat and observed the way we spoke to and about each other.

Their father blurted out, "Chris, there's no such thing as Santa Claus.  This is one thing that makes me mad about your mom.  She makes you look stupid believing in it." I was so mad that it happened that way and so out of left field.  My son's response was, "I already knew." My older kids stayed quiet and my daughter's eyes became saucers.  Chris did NOT know, but he was being a big boy about the news. I was heated and felt the counselor turned on me when he began to speak.  

As a family unit we were one.  The chaos was amongst all of us.  I didn't like what the counselor had to say and told him to his face, "I am done with counseling.  I am leaving and never coming back." I stuck to it.  Chaos at home was never resolved.  Their father and I lasted only 3 more years and it took us a long time to be friends again.  He is invited to all holiday and family functions with us.  Co-parenting adult kids has been pleasant.

For years after, I continued to give my children gifts from Santa.  I did it last year and my kids are adults, now.  It is just for fun and I will continue to do this till the day I die.  Being Santa means the world to me.

I've shared these photos before...

Brainstorming Christmas 2024

Halloween is officially over at our home. A lot of the parents were taking pictures of their children in front of our graveyard. It was a success. I even got to be a photographer for an entire family.

Tomorrow, on with the Christmas ideas. We are trying to think of how to decorate without upsetting or confusing my mom. The doctor recommended not changing the apartment interior because it will confuse her when we take the tree down. Something will be "missing," and since she has short-term memory loss, she will be suspicious and accusatory that we must have stolen something from her when she can't pinpoint what is "missing." This is what happened last Christmas. So, we are thinking outdoor decorating just like we did for Halloween. Thankfully, my neighbors were all cool with using up the entire shared space to create a graveyard. Maybe we can build a Winter Wonderland in the old graveyard. I'm thinking laying down blankets of faux snow. External Link: Our Halloween 2024

Mele Kalikimaka

My son Chris and I pulled up to my apartment parking lot so he can care for his grandma (she's ailing from end-stage Alzheimer's Disease and needs 24hr care) while we are all at work.  I've learned to not acknowledge or engage with crazy (mentally ill) and twacked out people, from bad experiences.  When I lived in Hawaii, I had drug addicts try and talk to me about drugs because I was out brisk walking.  In Oregon, I had a mentally-ill woman try and knock my food out of my hand as I was eating.  Also, in Oregon, a mentally-ill man tried to punch me while I walking to work.  I learned to not engage.

Today, this mentally ill lady, whom I don't believe lives in our apartment, was yelling at me and my son about nonsense while I was helping him get out of the car (his arms were full of fast food and drinks).  She was angrily shouting, but none of it made any sense to either of us, so we continued our conversation as we were getting our things from the car. Because we ignored her, she clearly yelled that we were "rude."  

Again, she was ignored.  

As we were walking away, she yelled, "Mele kalikimaka!" at us, which got my attention.  I looked back at her and was about to throw her a shaka, but changed my mind and told Chris, "She just wished us a Merry Christmas." He laughed and said, "What the heck?"  Halloween isn't even here, yet.

It must be the lime green "Oahu Grown" decal on Trevor's back window that caught her attention.

Mele kalikimaka, though.  🤣 Halloween is Trevor's holiday, so that's what we are celebrating all month long this October.

Pre-Planning Christmas

Christmas is in 6 months.  My sister, husband, and I have discussed how we will not be doing a Christmas tree this year, because of my mom's advanced state in Alzheimer's Disease.  My mom was loving all the decorations from Christmas 2023, but as soon as it all came down, she was verbally and physically abusive.

I discussed this with her doctor and he agreed that rearranging things in our home can confuse someone in an advanced stage of Alzheimer's Disease (plus she also has Vascular Dementia).  What happened is my sister quietly took the decorations and tree down before any of us were awake, and rearranged the furniture back to the way it was.  When my mom woke up, she knew something was missing, but couldn't pinpoint what was wrong.  She began accusing my sister of stealing, being passive-aggressive, being aggressive, being violent, etc.

My mom didn't know what was "stolen" but came up with a different item all the time, whether it was her pajamas, suit, kimono, and even scissors.  She had no clue what was missing, but assumed it was something of hers and that the only person she could think of that would steal from her is my sister, because she was the one moving stuff around.

My mom has nothing to steal.  She has nothing to even borrow.  My mom is 5 feet nothing, probably 90lbs soaking wet, and in Alzheimer's has poor hygiene and very poor taste in "fashion."  None of us are that little, that desperate, or in whatever era of fashion my mom is in.  How can one steal when you live in the same house?  All of us work and buy our own stuff.  We buy my mom stuff, and in more recent times, much of my mom's stuff is gifted to her through Amazon by my amazing friends.  My mom does not own a suit, kimono, pajama set, or scissors.  She was very adamant all those things were stolen from her, constantly changing the items that were "stolen."   

We also took on my step-daughter's cat while she is deployed overseas.  The cat gets into everything.  She climbs and jumps on everything and attacks things that slightly move, like a foot, a plant, or even dust floating in the sunlight.  She WILL attack and climb the tree.  I just know it.  We all know it.

That said, NO Christmas tree this year, not even with a barrier to keep the cat away.  I did find some cute ideas on Pinterest (actual link to my pinterest board) such as hanging garland over the doorway, and maybe some bulbs hanging from the window sill.  Things that are higher up from the floor and away from the cat.  We shall see!

Las Vegas 2024

We went to Las Vegas, Nevada and to add to my collection of cute Christmas ornaments, I bought two Santa Ornaments.  I know I always want tiki and island decor, but I could not resist.  Santa takes vacations, too.  They do call Las Vegas "the 9th Island" because so many Hawaiians have moved to Las Vegas.  

We got these at the ABC Store on Fremont Street, which is a store located every few buildings on the Waikiki strip in Oahu.  If you're looking for Li Hing Mui candies and powders, the ABC Store on Fremont Street has it all.  They have expensive chocolate mac nuts and Hawaiian coffee, that you can get cheaper in the Islands.  

Anyway, Vegas Santa will be decorating my tree this year.  I don't care if my sister puts her tree up, I'm putting mine up too, even if it's a little tree, because I want to look at my ornaments.

Coconutty Christmas: Holiday in Hawaii - Ann Omasta

Book Title:  Coconutty Christmas:  Holiday in Hawaii
Author:  Ann Omasta
Genre:  Romance, Christmas Story
Main Character:  Kalea
Story Setting:  Hawaii  

Story Summary:  
A Hawaiian local woman named Kalea works the kitchen of a Hawaiian hotel.  A tourist named Russ is attracted to her, and she's conflicted in the fact he is from the Mainland and tourists tend to not last long in Hawaii.  It could be heartbreaking.  A freak storm happens, causing the electricity to go out, so she has to take her kitchen to an open flame to keep the guests fed and entertained.  She ends up explaining to Russ about her good friends Kai and Honi, whom he had a little insecurity with.

Review:  So many reviews like this short story.  I, personally, did not.  I thought it had potential.  It didn't feel authentic and felt like a very unnatural Hawaii.  The only thing Christmas about the story was that they get together at Christmastime.  Otherwise, the story is mainly just a beach scene and trying to figure out what to feed the guests and how to entertain this budding romance with Russ.  The author used such generic "Hawaii" names such as Leilani, Kai, and Honi, and the lingo was so off.  I'd have been more impressed if she chose names like Pi'ilani, Kawika, or Kainoa.  Having lived in Hawaii and being married to a man from Hawaii, I know the accent and lingo, and I couldn't hear it in my mind as I read the story.  

The author could have used the words, "my braddahs Kai and Honi" or instead of saying, "I'll be with my family, would you like to join us" she could have said something along the lines of, "I going stay wit' my ohana, like come?"  The book was so full of ridiculous stereotypes.  Coconuts falling left and right out of trees on the beach, a wahine that looks like a dashboard hula dancer, etc.  First off, yes, coconuts are ubiquitous to Hawaii, but they aren't easy to find fresh out of the tree.  There's one coconut farm in Hawaii.  Groves of coconut palms all over the beach cease to exist in the islands.  So, it just sounds so inauthentic.  I'm surprised she didn't say the pineapples were growing at the beach, too.  Kai wanted to know why she was talking to the "ginger."  In Hawaii, he most likely would have used the word haole. The guy Russ gives her chills, but in Hawaii she would have said, "He gave me chicken skin."  Pidgin is not a cultural stereotype.  It's a dialect and the official language of Hawaii.  If someone isn't from there or hasn't lived there, I can understand why she wrote the story with such a Mainland image of Hawaiian life.  

I mean, the whole story just seemed like cultural stereotypes and it made me cringe.   I was hoping to read about the Hawaiian fir trees, or the surfing Santa, or the Christmas parade going through Honolulu.  Otherwise, it was "ok."  The story line was cute to say the least.  That's all I can say.  Out of 5 stars, I give it 2.  It completely turned me off to short stories.  I'm so disappointed as I wanted to like this story more than I did.

The Christmas Wedding - James Patterson and Richard DiLallo

Book Title: The Christmas Wedding
Author:  James Patterson and Richard DiLallo
Genre:  Christmas Stories, Domestic Fiction
Main Character:  Gaby Summerhill
Story Setting:  New York?  

Story Summary:  
Gaby Summerhill is a 54 year old teacher, a mother of 4 adult children (Emily, Claire, Lizzie, and Seth). She's a widow to Peter, who passed away some years ago. She's also a vlogger and loves to update her family with her life since everyone is so far away.  She has quite a few platonic friendships with single men: Tom, Jacob, and Marty.  They have all proposed to her.  She comes up with this wacky idea that she is getting married on Christmas Day, and vlogs it to her children, forcing them to have to come spend the holidays and Christmas with her.  There's a twist at the end, with her wedding day.  I won't explain.  It needs to be read.  

Review:  I read quite a few reviews on Goodreads.  They referred to Gaby as self-centered, manipulative, and a hypocrite.  I think she was over-zealous, a bit eccentric, fun-loving, kind, and caring.  She's easy to like.  The authors could have fooled me with their writing style.  I would have guessed a female wrote this book, as there was a lot of feminine qualities about it.  I think they did an excellent job in tapping into their feminine side and getting the story to attract female readers.  I recommend this book if you want an easy read.  I finished it rather fast.  

Some of the other reviewers who were James Patterson fans didn't like this style of writing.  They like his criminal suspense books.  This was the first book I read by him, and I thought it was great, making me want to check out his other books that his fans prefer.

Christmas Clearance

Isaac Mizrahi pajamas

Of all places, my husband and I went to Grocery Outlet to purchase some milk, eggs, and bread.  On the way in, passed some of the foods I won't eat, there was a Christmas Clearance rack.  There were slippers, gingerbread cookie house kits, and pajamas.  The creamy beige really caught my eyes over the grey or black pajamas. 

I was bummed the beige pajama package was opened, and the set was separated.  As I sifted through, I found the second piece.  They are Isaac Mizrahi pajamas.  The tag said they originally were $28, but there's no way that Grocery Outlet would have sold them for that much, even without clearance.  The clearance price was $10.  What a steal!

I grabbed the top and bottoms and paid for them with our groceries.  Now that I am wearing them, they are so very soft, light, and they look nice.  I can probably even get away with wearing them outdoors.

Starting Another Book

The Christmas Wedding

Before I end my day, I wanted to "jot down" that I went scrounging around my apartment for another book to read.  I know there are books around that I haven't read, which made me realize there are books I need to get rid of, too.  

I've always been a book reader, and for the last two or so years, I have put them down more than picking them up.  I will start one, and then lose interest, as my cell phone distracts me with notifications.  I will end up scrolling social media, reading my emails, playing a game, etc.  

I've made it a goal to read at LEAST 6 books this year.  My goal before was 12 books a year.  But, I have been juggling work, taking care of my mom, and trying to keep up with my own self-care.  I found a Christmas book in our utility closet.  So, I decided that would be the next book I read.  

It is titled "The Christmas Wedding," by James Patterson and Richard DiLallo.  I don't recall where I bought it, but before I started actively blogging again, I purchased a Christmas book because I wanted to start reading Christmas stories around Christmas, every year.  Last year, I thought I could watch Christmas movies, but I have a hard time sitting still long enough to watch anything.  My mind always wanders back to my cell phone (such a bad habit).

Suspect - Michael Robotham

“A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things.”
 ― George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Book Title:  Suspect
Author:  Michael Robotham
Genre:  Psychological Thriller, Mystery
Main Character:  Joe O'Loughlin
Story Setting:  England

Story Summary:  A psychologist, Joe O'Loughlin, has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. He has a former patient, Catherine, that was murdered and believes one of his current patients, Bobby, did it.  However, the plot twists, and the head detective believes that Joe did it, because he knows too much and has no alibi.  Joe goes on the hunt to find evidence that Bobby did it.  Meanwhile, he's struggling with his disease, his wife is mad at him, he's mad at his long-time friend, and people are dying all around him.  It's Christmas-time and he's just trying to stay out of jail, find the predator, and trying to get back to his family.

Review:  The book is definitely a page-turner.  I think Michael Robothom is a great writer.  I normally wouldn't read a book like this, but I am now more open to reading his books.  It was action-packed, and almost every page had a new twist.  I'm a new fan.

 

Lunar New Year

“Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” ― Oprah Winfrey

Me on Feb 18, 2024  

Hauʻoli Makahiki Hou!  That means, "Happy New Year" in ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi.  

I am of three cultures, Ilocano, French-Canadian, and Korean.  I was raised with two New Year's celebrations.  Mom always called it the Korean New Year, but as I got older I learned other Asians celebrated it and have other names for it.  Most people I knew, called it Chinese New Year or Tet.  I just call it Lunar New Year to be more inclusive to all people who celebrate.  

This time of year, people usually put money in a red envelope as a gift.  The Chinese have a phonetic saying, "Gung hey fat choy," which does not mean "Happy New Year," but more along the lines of "have more money."  How cool is that?  

It's like Christmas all over again.  Gift-giving and well-wishes.  I was able to give to a woman I befriended when I lived in Oregon.  She lost her teenaged son to gun violence a few months back (article).  And then someone stole her clothes off her clothesline, so her younger children had no winter coats and she lost all her scrubs for work.  I wish people would take into consideration that some people are really struggling in life and financially, and that taking from others is damaging them more.  According to her surveillance camera footage, it was a teenager who stole the clothes.  

I hope that my little bit of money, which was basically money earned from a gratuity, can be used for warm coats.  I hope everyone does better this year.  If January 1st wasn't the beginning of a New Year, at least we have February to start again.

새해 복 많이 받으세요 (Happy New Year in Korean)

Valentine's Day 2024

My new book, "The Musubi Man."

Happy Belated Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day came and went.  I like the holiday, but I really love Christmas more.  My husband said he really searched high and low in stores for a Chia Pet for me.  I love houseplants and I never got a Chia Pet before, so I was really hoping for one.  

We didn't exchange gifts for the actual V-Day, but I did get him Green Bay Packer's slip on sandals, and a teeshirt a week before Valentine's Day.  He got me chocolates and a forever rose from the Valentine's section of the local drug store, but two weeks before Valentine's Day.

Still, I'm more obsessed with Christmas.  I know we didn't get the annual Christmas ornament this past Christmas.  So, I was thinking I'd buy a Christmas book.  I made a mistake.  I should have read it first.

I automatically assume Gingerbread men are Christmas-related.  But, they aren't.  I don't think I ever read the full story of the "Gingerbread Man," the one that says, "Run, run, run, fast as you can.  You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man."  I found a Hawaiian version called "The Musubi Man."  There's nothing Christmassy about it.  It came in the mail today, and I was totally disappointed.  But, I will add it to my Tiki things, because I also collect Tiki mugs.  I'm bummed.  So, I am still on the hunt for a Hawaiian Christmas book.  I guess, I should get the Pidgin version of  'Twas the Night Before Christmas, this time.  

Merry All Year Long!

🥒Pickle Tradition🥒

“Christmas isn’t about candy canes or lights all aglow, it’s the hearts that we touch, and the care that we show.” – Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas

I usually shrink my photos, but I left his one large so you can read the purpose of the Christmas pickle.

I posted a Christmas pickle ornament quite a few years ago, before my split with my children's father.  When I moved away, I didn't have any of my holiday décor, as I moved over seas to Hawai‘i and couldn't take anything with me.

When I came back to the Mainland, I moved to Oregon.  I found a Christmas pickle in a Salem, Oregon Dollar Tree, and knew I HAD to have it.  It was far brighter than my old pickle ornament, and who doesn't like shiny???

Even though I'm more about tropical décor these days, I still want to have a pickle in my tree.  There's no harm in that, right? 

So, here's to my future Christmas tree.  

A side note, because my last name is now Dillard, I love finding pickle things to represent the "dill" part of my name.  It's just fun for me.  I even have a pickle tattooed on my leg holding up the shaka.  It says, "Big Kine Dill." It's a play on pidgin for "Kind of a Big Deal."

In the future, I want to buy a Christmas book written in Pidgin, it's about the Musubi Man instead of the Gingerbread Man.  I think that will be a great addition.  I have been slacking.  I used to always buy a Christmas-themed book out, because I'm not much into watching Christmas movies.  I think I would love to display the Musubi Man book and start reading more, again.  

Our Annual Christmas Ornament

I was cracking up. Trevor called his mom wondering where his annual Christmas ornament was. She normally sends a Christmas ornament to us every year. We didn't get one this past Christmas. She's been spending much time in the Pacific North West with family, rather than her home in Hawaii. She said, "I looked, but all the ornaments up here are ugly."

I could only imagine a list of ugly ornaments...

• Sasquatch ornaments being #1
• Redwood tree ornaments
• a fish with a hook in its mouth ornaments
• pinecone or acorn with glitter on it for a ridiculous price
• Smokey the bear ornaments
• fruit and veggie ornaments reminiscent of farming

I'm not saying those are ugly-ugly.  I'm just saying it's not for us and if I know my mother-in-law, it's definitely not her, either.  

I love decorating, and since I have been with Trevor, the theme has been tropical since both of us are tropical people (he was raised in Hawaii, we met in Hawaii, and I'm proud to be part Ilocano). So, I'm very specific on what I put on display. Though, my sister's decorations dominated the holidays the last two years (hers are a mix of everything from snowmen, gingerbread, Christmas mice, candy canes, traditional Santa, angels, etc) I would love to open our holiday decorations up, again, too. I generally stick to one theme. She doesn't have a theme. Her theme is "if it's cute, it's on display."

For Christmas 2023, in the tradition, Trevor Claus sent his sons in Florida candy-stuffed Christmas stockings made of fabrics from Hawaii with Hawaiian print, so they could have something from where they were born. We got them from a booth at the monthly Aloha Fair (many of the vendors are Poly Mainlanders with ties to the islands or Hawaii locals who moved to the mainland). Going to the fair is my way of getting Trevor involved in OUR community without a membership card as well as mingling with people who understand pidgin, hear music he grew up with, and can let him be himself without question. As the fair grows in popularity, new vendors come out of the woodwork, too, as well as Hawaii locals traveling from other cities and counties to get to it.